1991 Chesney Hawkes: The One And Only

On a lads night out in a strange town at the end of the Nineties, we found ourselves in a bikers type pub where the clientele were getting a little rowdy. One of the barstaff, buoyed by a self importance that only minor authority can bring, strode over to try and calm things down. But alas, before he could open his mouth to utter a single "now then lads", the bikers broke off from their antics and sang "EYYYEEAAAAAAMM THE ONE AND ONNLLLLYYYYYY" as one while pointing at him before cackling with laughter afterwards. Yes, the unfortunate barman was the spit of Chesney Hawkes and after that spontaneous broadside any authority he thought he might have possessed trickled away like piss down a drain and he slunk back to the bar, tail between his legs. I think if he'd come out waving a samurai sword then that would have wilted too.

I suppose in hindsight it was quite fitting that Nick Kershaw's song should reach out across the decade to let the air out of his tyre; "For this job I'm the best man. And while this may be true, you are the one and only you" - 'The One And Only' is the ultimate pre-teen meow for the bedroom rebel who thinks he has a cause. "I am the one and only, nobody I'd rather be. I am the one and only, you can't take that away from me " - sung into a mirror while holding a hairbrush, it generates a defiant empowerment and confident self assertion that all to readily evaporates once foot is set into the real world. And as harsh as that may seem, I'm afraid I've always seen Mr Hawkes that way.

Pale of face and floppy of hair, Ches always looked like a milksop waiting for a stiff breeze to blow him over, even one provided by the mocking mouths of laughing bikers (I've not seen the 'Buddy's Song' film this is from so I can't vouch as to the character behind it). And to compliment, 'The One And Only' is a limp and sunlight starved footstamp of a tune. It might have a decent glam crunch on the chorus, but probably for the first time on these lists I've come across a song that just plain seems too young for me, and listening to it makes me feel like I've been caught browsing a copy of 'Just Seventeen' in the newsagents. Best put it back on the shelf and hurry on my way.