1999 Five: Keep On Movin'

It was tempting at this point to pause and ponder my recurring 'are the charts getting worse' shtick to see if I'm any closer to an answer. But do you know what? I've decided I'm not going to. It seems to me that if I'm going to raise this issue every some assembled by audition pop band comes my way then both I myself and you the reader (if I still have any) would be in for a torrid time over the coming years with my cod philosophising. No, I'm just going to focus on the song itself and as far as that goes I can report that 'Keep On Movin' is flat pack furniture of a song; each piece fits logically in its right place to create a whole whose functionality is there for all to see. But like cheap, flatpack furniture it's also homogenous, uninspiring and unmemorable with no hint of charm, personality, character or lastability - there's nothing here to hate beyond railing at the corporate machine behind it (which I've said I'm not going to do) and nothing to like beyond getting in a lather over the five pretty boys shaking their legs in front of it (which doesn't appeal to me on any level). And even there, each of these Five boys manage to recite their lines with the passionless inflect of infants performing at the school nativity, a drab intonation that breathes the kiss of death into a song that, despite its title, never manages to get movin' anywhere. How ironic.